Here is my final screenplay for my screen writing class:

Legit

By

Jennifer Teeter

EXT. HIGHWAY I-35 -- DAY BREAK

We see Natalie, 25, coming around from the back of her
tractor trailer which is pulled over to the side of the
road.  She enters the cab.

INT. THE CAB OF NATALIE’S TRUCK -- SAME TIME

Natalie is putting on some hand sanitizer.  Then, she starts
the truck, pulls onto the mostly deserted highway and begins
driving.

INT. THE GOLDEN PANTRY TRUCK STOP -- DAY

Natalie is eating lunch and working a crossword puzzle from
a newspaper.  Lou, 68, is sitting two booths away.  Natalie
waves down the waitress.

NATALIE
Hi could I get a club sandwich to
go.

The waitress nods and leaves.

NATALIE
Thanks.

Lou approaches Natalie’s booth.  Natalie does not initially
acknowledge him.

LOU
Good afternoon miss, do you mind if
I sit for a moment.

NATALIE
Yes.

LOU
Oh.  Please I’d just like to speak
with you for a bit miss.

NATALIE
Look buddy.  I’ve got a
boyfriend/husband/lesbian
lover.  Or I’m actually a
man...unless that’s what you’re
into.  Sorry.

Lou laughs.

                                                                  2.

LOU
What are you 19?

NATALIE
25.

LOU
Look I stopped looking at 25 year
olds when I was twice their age,
and that was years ago.

NATALIE
Mmhmm.

LOU
So may I sit?

NATALIE
No.

Pause.  The waitress brings a white bag of food and puts it
on the the table with the check.  Lou eyes the
food.  Natalie returns to working on her crossword puzzle.

LOU
You look stuck.

NATALIE
Thanks.

LOU
You want some help.

NATALIE
With my macaroni?

LOU
With your puzzle.  I’m great at
those puzzles.  C’mon.  Just one
will  help you get a whole
bunch.  Just ask me.  And if I’m
right you let me sit.

Natalie stares at Lou for a while.

NATALIE
"On the up-and--up".  Five letters.

LOU
Legit.

Natalie checks and writes it in the crossword.  Lou goes to
sit.

                                                                  3.

NATALIE
Wait.  Not so fast.  "To use the
whip".  Four letters.

LOU
Lash.

NATALIE
Thanks Sherlock.  I’m not that
stupid.  I thought of lash.  It
doesn’t work.

Lou thinks for a beat.

LOU
Flog.

Natalie writes it in.

LOU
So may I sit?

NATALIE
No.

LOU
I thought we had a deal?

NATALIE
No you had a deal.  And now you
have a motive. And my guess is that
it still has something to do with
my pants; either what’s behind the
fly or in the pocket.

LOU
For some friendly crossword
conversation.  That’s all.

NATALIE
Oh now, don’t lie to me.  I don’t
need to be lied to.  What do you
want?

LOU
I need a ride.

NATALIE
Why?

LOU
My Chevy.  She broke down about
half a mile from here.

                                                                  4.

NATALIE
Where do you need to go?

LOU
Wichita.

NATALIE
Sorry.  I can’t.  I’m not going
south.

LOU
But it’s only about half an hour.

NATALIE
I’m on a schedule.

LOU
To where?  Kansas City for spring
break?  C’mon.  It’ll take you one
hour to go there and back.

NATALIE
I can’t.

LOU
What schedule is so tight that you
can’t waste an hour?

NATALIE
Look outside.  You see that
big  tractor trailer next to the
sign.  It’s full of corn meal that
needs to be in Omaha by tomorrow
morning.  Any time I waste is time
I don’t get to sleep.  I’m not
going back to Wichita.

LOU
You’re a truck driver?

NATALIE
Is that a question?

LOU
What’s a nice young girl like you
driving a truck for?  You should be
in school or have a boy friend or
at least staying with your
parents.  Why’re you driving a
truck?

                                                                  5.

NATALIE
Okay buddy.  Should I go back to
the school that kicked me out me or
the boy friend that left me or my
my parents who could drop dead for
all I care?  Which of those sounds
like a good plan to you?

There’s a long pause.

NATALIE
I’m not going back to
Wichita.  Can’t you ask somebody
else

LOU
Look around.  Nobody else here.

NATALIE
Couldn’t you call someone?

LOU
No one to call.  Hey, I’m sorry I
bothered you.  I’ll figure
something out.

Lou goes to leave.

NATALIE
I’ll take you to Omaha.  You can
get a bus from there.

LOU
Honestly?

NATALIE
For five hundred dollars.  Cash.

Lou hesitates.

LOU
Five hundred!

NATALIE
Tkae it or leave it.  Seem I got a
monopoly on the rides out of
Nowheresville, so I might be guilty
of price gouging.

LOU
Alright.  Alright!  That’s
fine.  Waitress! I want to buy this
young lady some pie.

                                                                  6.

Natalie gets up.  Grabs the bag and check.

NATALIE
No pie, thanks.  Come on.  We’re
leaving.

INT. THE CAB OF NATALIE’S TRUCK -- DAY

Lou and Natalie are getting in.  Lou notices a gun on the
seat as he is closing the door.

LOU
What’s a nice young lady like you
doing with a hand gun?

NATALIE
Nice young ladies like me get
murdered in truck stops.  I got to
go check on something  in the
back.  You can just stay here.

Natalie takes the gun and the bag of food.  Lou sits in the
cab.  He examines the side view mirror and sees Natalie
opening the back hatch.  Then she disappears from
view.  Moments later, we hear a slam of the hatch.  Natalie
returns to the cab.  Natalie puts the gun on the seat next
to her.  The bag with the sandwich is gone.

NATALIE
Alright, to the road.

LOU
Where’d your sandwich go.

NATALIE
I like to keep food back
there.  Keeps it cold.

LOU
Oh of course.

INT. THE CAB OF NATALIE’S TRUCK -- LATE AFTERNOON

Natalie is driving and Lou is snoozing. Natalie turns off on
an exit.  Lou looks up.

LOU
335?

                                                                  7.

NATALIE
Yep.

LOU
I thought you were going to Omaha.

NATALIE
I am.

LOU
So why’re you taking 335?  Why not
stay on 35 to Kansas City and then
take 29 up to Omaha.

NATALIE
I’m avoiding Kansas City traffic.

LOU
No.  By the time we get there it’ll
be night and there won’t be much
traffic.

NATALIE
Listen.  I’ve done this before.  I
know what I’m doing.

LOU
Me too.  I did this for
years.  There’s no reason to take
335 unless you’re avoiding the
city.

Natalie picks up the gun.

NATALIE
Okay listen.  This was going to
happen anyway.  You were going to
hear a thumping and I would say
it’s loose cargo or something. But
it would still bother you. And then
you’d smell something weird and I’d
already have a lie about the
packaging of corn meal and how it
smells like human feces.  But
sooner or later you would figure it
out and we would have to worry
about what to do next so lets get
this out now.  I have a man tied up
in the back of the truck.  He’s
been there for three days.  And now
you can be a hostage or you can be
an accomplice.

Lou is stunned.

                                                                  8.

LOU
You have--

NATALIE
My ex boyfriend.  He’s bound in the
back.

LOU
And you’re going--

NATALIE
That’s a good question.  I thought
about going to Canada where we
could spend the rest of our lives
together.  But now I’m leaning more
towards murdering him and leaving
his body out in the fields of
Nebraska.

Pause.

LOU
Well.  Then you’re right.  You
probably want to stay on 335.

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I arrived at the theatre for the live viewing of This American Life exactly one hour early. I had predicted more traffic on GA 400, the hospitality highway, and expected a line outside the theatre for this ground-breaking premier. Placement in this line would be equivocal to the quality of seat one would get. Being only an hour early, I feared that my seat would be sandwiched behind an obese woman with teased hair and in front of a very tall man with restless leg syndrome. There was, in fact, no line. I was welcomed by a completely empty theatre. I plopped into the middle of the front row of the upper section, right behind the handicap railing, so I could prop my feet up.

“What a pity,” I thought, “that in the whole Atlanta area, I’m the only one with enough culture to come to this ground-breaking premier.”

I, of course, do have a uniquely high level of culture. Just look at how I spell theatre with the “re” spelling.

“But surely, some one else will come.”

I considered how awkward it would be if it were just me. The staff would be very upset: the projectionist, glaring down at me, knowing that if I left, he could have a two hour break; the theatre manager, cursing himself for letting his daughter-in-law convince him to show this communist nonsense in the first place. Still, there was a thrill that the whole thing had been set up just for me, as if I were an important person; as if NPR wanted to make sure I saw the show. This exhilarating narcissism was shattered by the entrance of a hip, young, and attractive couple. Sure they had each other and were very attractive, but they couldn’t prop their feet up. Oddly enough, minutes later another couple entered appearing to be a carbon copy of the first. And more oddly, a third hipster couple joined the group, all sitting behind me, all with feet insufficiently propped. When a young man entered by himself, I thought, “Certainly he’ll come and sit beside me, if for no other reason than uniformity.” Unfortunately, he did not find my already bare (yet well propped) feet and extra large tub of popcorn attractive.

“I’ll share,” I said quiet enough so he would not hear.

“No you won’t,” I said even quieter so I would not hear.

“Anyway,” I thought. “He’s probably gay.”

But then that’s what first I thought about Ira. The more I thought about the nauseating happiness of the couples behind me, the more I grew depressed about the emptiness of the seats beside me. I began to think about what popcorn would look like soaked in blood. I wondered if I hung myself in the Prom Night theatre, would anyone notice. As the icy grip of melancholy clenched my soul, a welcomed distraction came from the screen.

“Ooo! Puzzles!” I said aloud.

There were anagrams and rounds of hangman. These games that originated as ways to teach children to spell, were now used to make grown adults feel inferior for not being as witty as the puzzle maker.

True to This American Life form, the animated puzzles began charmingly crude, and then grew to be predictable and gut-stabbingly clever.

By the time the pre-show was rapping up, it appeared that all fourteen of the Atlanta area pledging members of NPR had arrived. The show was very nice and just liberal enough. But what happened after the event was actually more interesting, as my American life so often is. Within that movie theatre, we had all formed a kind of bond.

“These are my brothers and sisters,” we thought, “my fellow independent intellectuals.”

We felt a tug to each other and could not imagine parting so soon after our ingathering. As we exited the Cineplex, a neighboring Starbucks beckoned to us as an independently intellectual sanctuary. We could go there and sit at separate tables and discuss Salman Rushdie in hopes other tables will overhear us and be impressed. Sadly, I had no one with which to loudly discuss Sir Rushdie. So, I ordered a coffee and hoped that someone would recognize me from the theatre, compliment my vintage cowboy boots, and spark a conversation. But before that, I had to pee, for I had consumed a very large coke during the movie. As I was leaving the water closet, I ran into a woman who recognized me from the theatre.

“I love your boots,” she said. We talked a bit and she invited me to sit at the table with her friends. Oh what a conversation we had, although no one there new much about Salman Rushdie. Bless their hearts, as they say here in the South. I soon found out that I had gone to the same preschool as one the girls.

“How interesting, that two like-minded people could have grown out of identical environments,” I said.

As the hour grew to larger numbers and then shrunk to a small one and then grew to larger ones again, we discussed Russian novelists, French playwrights and the death of cassette tapes. Eventually, one of them invited me to join them at their house for drinks and what I initially thought was a board game, but was, in actuality, a euphemism for marijuana. I briefly worried about whether my cat would be lonely, then agreed.

At the house, our inhibitions began to lower and confessions soon came out.

“I use a Microsoft PC not a Macintosh,” I blurted out. I expected to be shunned but the response was sympathetic faces. A while later, someone finally admitted to watching television and the conversation dissolved to theories about LOST and predictions about George and Lexi. This then dissolved to giggles, which then dissolved to sobbing, which then dissolved again to giggles which tapered to an awkward silence. I decided to go home and we all exchanged emails and blog addresses. As I was leaving someone said, “You know, this is a good story for This American Life.”

And they were right, because this is a story about unlikely friendship. This is a story about strangers bonding over similar ground. And above all, this is a story about something cool that could have happened after This American Life live. This is a story which I made up during the full two minutes I spent urinating in the Starbucks. In reality, when I left that restroom, I grabbed a newspaper from the rack and went to read it, hoping someone would ask to converse with me. However, once I sat down, I noticed in horror that I had grabbed USA Today. As I could not be seen reading Sesame Street the novel by my independently intellectual brethren, I put the paper back and found it best to just leave at that point.

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 At church last Sunday. In my office when two girl scouts
          approach.  Girl Scout 2 holds a cardboard box.                   

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Yo Teeter!                                             

                              ME
                    Oh hey Morgan.  I like your shoes.                     

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Thanks.  My mom got ’em at
                    Target.  Teeter, you know what I’m
                    here?                                                  

                              ME
                    Um, does your mom need to talk to
                    Ms. Pat?                                               

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Are you fucking with me?                               

                              ME
                    Sorry?                                                 

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    I said, Are. You. Fucking with me?                     

                              ME
                    UUhhh...                                               

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Hey Zoe.  I think Ms. T over here
                    doesn’t understand the seriousness
                    of the situation.                                      

                              GIRL SCOUT 2
                    I think you’re right, M.                               

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Why don’t you show her what’s in
                    the box Zoe.                                           

                              GIRL SCOUT 2
                    You sure about that, M?                                

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    I’m afraid so, Zoe. It seems we’ve
                    got to make it utterly clear that
                    we’re not fucking around here.                         

                              ME
                    Morgan, I think you need to top
                    using that kind of langu--

                                                                  2.       

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    You know what.  I’m gonna stop you
                    right there.  I gonna stop you
                    right there because you’re one
                    syllable away from really pissing
                    me off.  And believe me, when I’m
                    pissed off, you don’t need to worry
                    about me.  I won’t be around.  But
                    Zoe back there, she’s a yellow
                    belt.
                    In karate.
                    Open the box Zoe.                                      

          Girl Scout 2 opens the cardboard box and begins placing boxes
          of cookies on my desk.                                           

                              ME
                    Oh wow.                                                

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Now you take a good look at those
                    cookies.  You see what’s on top
                    there?  Three boxes of thin mints.
                    Three boxes.                                           

                              ME
                    Uh huh.                                                

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    And those new Lemon Chalet Creams,
                    they taste like magic. It’s like
                    eating the feeling you get when
                    looking at daisies in the sun
                    shine.                                                 

                              ME
                    Oh wow.                                                

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Alright.  So I ask you again, do
                    you know why I am here?                                

                              ME
                    Oh man.  I totally forgot my check
                    book this morning.                                     

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Now why would you go and do a thing
                    like that?                                             

                              ME
                    I just totally forgot.  Can I just
                    bring it to you next Sunday?

                                                                  3.       

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Next Sunday.  Now what the fuck am
                    I gonna say at my brownie meeting,
                    huh?  "Sorry, one of my customers
                    forgot their checkbook, and I’m
                    going to miss the deadline so that
                    we can’t win a free troupe outing
                    to Misty Mountain."
                    I gotta tell you Teeter, I don’t
                    think they’re going to be too happy
                    about missing Misty Mountain. We
                    were going to ride
                    horses.  Fucking. Horses.                              

                              ME
                    Well.  I don’t have any cash...                        

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    What?  So maybe you expect my mom
                    to cover it until next week?                           

                              ME
                    C’mon Morgan, you know I’m good for
                    the money.                                             

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Do I? And how do I know you won’t
                    forget?                                                

          Girl Scout 2 flexes her neck and it pops.                        

                              ME
                    Well...um...I could bring it to
                    your house.                                            

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Oh, well now you’ve stopped
                    speaking out of your ass.  So now,
                    when are you bringing it to my
                    house.                                                 

                              ME
                    Well I’m pretty busy until
                    Wednesday.                                             

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    You hear that, Zoe?  She’s busy.                       

          Girl Scout 2 grunts and rolls up her sleves.                     

                              ME
                    Or this afternoon.  I’ll bring it
                    this afternoon.

                                                                  4.       

                         (silence)
                    with an extra $5.                                      

                              GIRL SCOUT 1
                    Ah.  Pleasure doin’ business with
                    you Teeter.                                            

          Girl Scout 1 walks to office door.  She snaps.  Girl Scout 2
          follows taking the empty cardboard box with her.

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    Two benches are placed, facing each
                                   other in the middle of the stage.
                                   They represent two seats on a
                                   subway train. It is modern day in
                                   Meropolis, USA.
                         (At lights up, the sound of a train
                         pulling into the station is heard.)               

                                   FAT SUSAN
                         ( From off stage )
          Wait! Wait!
                         (Fat Susan enters from stage right,
                         running.She is dressed in sportswear and
                         is sweaty. She is also fat.  A "ding"
                         sounds twice.)                                    

                                   FAT SUSAN
          No wait!
                         (Fat Susan slips through a closing door
                         and then sits on the stage right bench.)          

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh thank God.
                         (We hear the sound of train starting up
                         and then moving smoothly. Fat Susan
                         looks around the empty train and then
                         takes a large bag of potato chips from
                         her bag. The sound of the train changes
                         and the lights go out momentarily. They
                         are in a tunnel.  When the lights
                         resume, Sexy Susan is sitting on the
                         other bench.  She wears a bikini,
                         stilettos and is smoking. She is also
                         sexy.)
                         (Fat Susan stares at Sexy Susan.)
                         (Sexy Susan smokes and stares at the
                         ceiling.)
                         (Fat Susan stares at Sexy Susan.)
                         (Sexy Susan glances back.)
                         (Fat Susan immediately looks at the
                         ground.)                                          

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          It’s okay. I’m used to people staring. Oh yes. I’m very
          sexy.                                                            

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Where did you come from?

                                                                -0-2       

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Lafayette.                                                       

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Sorry?                                                           

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Well to be fair, we were born in the city and then we moved
          to Lafeyette when we were a teenager. Then of course we
          moved back here for school.                                      

                                   FAT SUSAN
          No I meant just now-- you lived in the LaFayette?                

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          We most certainly did! Wasn’t that place a hell hole?            

                                   FAT SUSAN
          We?                                                              

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          We...Me...You...We.Us.I.Me.                                      

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh. It is you.
                         (Fat Susan eats.  Sexy Susan smokes.)             

                                    FAT SUSAN
          You’re not allowed to smoke on here.                             

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          You’re not allowed to eat on here either. We all have our
          vices.
                         (Sexy Susan throws down her cigarette
                         and crushes it with the tip of her
                         stilettos. )                                      

                                   FAT SUSAN
          You’re exactly as I imagined.                                    

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          That’s probably because you imagined me. Couldn’t be certain
          though.                                                          

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Right.
                         (Fat Susan stares at Sexy Susan
                         analyzing her every inch. )                       

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Do you think you are you from the future? Are you here to
          tell me how to be like you?

                                                                -0-3       

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          This isn’t some Isaiah Asimov sci-fi book. And seriously, if
          there were time travel, don’t you think there are more
          important things than weight loss tips. I’m you but, like,
          sexy.                                                            

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Isaac Asimov.                                                    

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          What?
                         (Sexy Susan moves and grinds her teeth.)          

                                   FAT SUSAN
          It’s Isaac Asimov. And he’s not really into time travel
          stories.                                                         

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          That’s what I said wasn’t it? Whatever. Can I have a potato
          chip?                                                            

                                   FAT SUSAN
          You eat chips?                                                   

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          You eat chips.
                         (Fat Susan offers the bag. Sexy Susan
                         looks soothed when she bites the chip.)           

                                    FAT SUSAN
          But you’re not fat.                                              

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          But I’m still you. I’m just sex--                                

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Please don’t say it again. So, I don’t get it. Do you
          exercise a lot?                                                  

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          We’re not really good with exercise. I mean, do you really
          think going to the gym will work?                                

                                   FAT SUSAN
          I really want it this time! I’ve gone twice this week and I
          really like the elliptical machine and--                         

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          The chips? Kind of voids the whole thing out doesn’t it?         

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Well then how the fuck are you so fucking skinny?
                         (Sexy Susan lights another cigarette.
                         She takes a puff before answering. )

                                                                -0-4       

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Speed.                                                           

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh of course. Speed.                                             

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Well, and smoking.                                               

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Where did I get speed?                                           

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Do you remember Jessica Farnsworth from 9th grade?               

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Uhhh...maybe?                                                    

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          She smoked pot in the courtyard and called everything
          punkadelic.                                                      

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh yeah! Jessie...                                               

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Yeah we hung out a lot more. She had ritalin for her ADHD,
          which was totally fake. Anyway, it’s all the same: ritaln,
          speed. It was punkadelic.                                        

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Didn’t she spend most of high school in juvy?                    

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Yeah but it was a bonding experience for the both of us.         

                                   FAT SUSAN
          No way. You went to jail?                                        

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Not for long. Fucking retarded campus police searched my
          car. Which is fucking illegal but they said that it was on
          school property. Whatever. It was bullshit.                      

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Seriously? You went to jail?                                     

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Peed in a bucket. No toilet paper. Had to use a blanket on
          my period. The whole shebang. Well, to be fair there wasn’t
          the whole shebang if you know what I mean. I was still
          pretty chunky then, and Jessica was much hotter.

                                                                -0-5       

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh my god. No toilet paper?  It’s just like that piece I
          heard on NPR.  What do the kids at Feldman say when you tell
          them you went to jail?                                           

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Feldman? I don’t go to Feldman.                                  

                                   FAT SUSAN
          I go to Feldman.                                                 

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          College?! Well la tee dah. Must have cost a pretty penny.        

                                   FAT SUSAN
          I got a scholarship.                                             

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Oh. I went to state.                                             

                                   FAT SUSAN
          State’s a good school. Plus it’s got a great location right
          near all that shopping on Church St.                             

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Not that state. I went to state community college.               

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh. But now you’re...                                            

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Working full time.                                               

                                   FAT SUSAN
          I’m sorry, are you some moral public service announcement
          from my brain?                                                   

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          What?                                                            

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Are you trying to convince me that the only way I could be
          sexy is to take speed, drop out of college, and not know
          very much about sci-fi authors?.                                 

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Well I wouldn’t use that exact wording--                         

                                    FAT SUSAN
          Oh my God! You’re employed full time? Oh man I know this.
          You’re a stripper right?

                                                                -0-6       

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          I’m a dancer but, hey how did you--                              

                                   FAT SUSAN
          And I bet you’ve been raped and stuff?                           

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Raped and stuff?! I was assaulted! It was really--               

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh and please tell me you have AIDS, or at least chlamydia.      

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          What the fuck!?                                                  

                                   FAT SUSAN
          Oh, get over it. I know what you are.                            

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          I am you but sexy!                                               

                                   FAT SUSAN
          No no. You’re my self doubt.                                     

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Now don’t be crazy.                                              

                                    FAT SUSAN
          You want me to stop going to the gym. You want me to give
          up.                                                              

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          That’s not it at all. No. I was lying earlier.  I am from
          the future. I am here to tell you the secret to sexy!            

                                   FAT SUSAN
          But you know what, I’m going to keep going! That’s right.        

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          But it will never work. You know it will never work!             

                                   FAT SUSAN
          And I’m going to go on an all juice detox diet.                  

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          But juice isn’t even that tasty! Wouldn’t you rather have a
          milkshake?                                                       

                                   FAT SUSAN
          And you know what? I don’t hate my body!

                                                                -0-7       

                                   SEXY SUSAN
          Oh now that’s just plain bulsh--
                         (Lights go out and sound of train
                         changes. When lights come back up Sexy
                         Susan is gone. Fat Susan sighs into her
                         seat. A compterized voice says, "Next
                         stop, Feldman College. Exit here for
                         Feldman college and hospital." Fat Susan
                         gathers her things and begins to roll up
                         the bag of chips and put it in her
                         purse. She stops. She throws the bag on
                         the seat and walks out of the train.)             

                                   SUSAN EXITS                             

                                   LIGHTS OUT

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I just have to write something first….hmmm

Filed under: Uncategorized by teeter
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